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May 3, 2023

Find Your Tribe

Relationships. Everyone loves good, authentic, and compassionate relationships.

Some of us even crave them. For others, they will tell us that they don’t really deal with a lot of people and enjoy their solitude, but if we were to dig deeper, we would probably find that deep down there is a craving to be able to text, call up that special someone and chat or arrange a meeting.

Finding your tribe can be a daunting task.  Finding your tribe can be frustrating and disappointing.  It can become a task because it can be difficult to find persons of the same mindset who share the same interests and goals.  It can be frustrating because there is always that idea that one person may put more into the relationship than the other person.  It can be disappointing because life happens.  Unforeseen circumstances can arise and one person in the relationship may have to bow out of the relationship to deal with something whether it be for a short or long period of time.

How do you deal with all of the potential nuances relationships can bring?

These relationships can be with girlfriends, close relatives, a spouse, a partner, and the like.

It’s human nature to search for belonging. From our first day of preschool and well into adulthood, we gravitate toward those who reflect the kind of qualities we admire. To say we are looking for “our tribe” means that we are looking for people who share commonalities or possess the traits we aspire to adopt. Whether it’s a family, community, or group of fellow Black Girls RUN! members, our tribe is important because it reflects our values while simultaneously satisfying our need for companionship.

If you are looking for your tribe, there are things to keep in mind that will help make it easier for you to connect not only with others but with people who make you feel safe, loved, and wanted.  Finding your tribe requires effort and confidence.

The following are five points to consider before taking the journey to Find Your Tribe:

  1. Look in the mirror. The first step to finding the type of group(s) you would like to interact with, is taking an assessment of yourself.  Are there some specific things in your life that are missing that you would like to be present in your life?  What are your current interests?  Are there some things you consistently do alone, that you would welcome some partnerships to do them with?
  2. Commit to trying something new. Do you usually do the same things over and over? Go to the movies. Go out to eat at Applebee’s.  Travel to the same vacation destination every year?  It’s time to think outside the box and delve into something new.  You never know who you will meet!
  3. Attend meet-ups. Let me say this again for the people in the back.  Attend meet-ups!  As a Run Coordinator for Black Girls RUN!, I see posts, comments, and social media traffic from repeating members.  There are many who belong to the BGR! Group, but very rarely venture out and attend a meet-up.   Yes, the pandemic may have put your normal activities on hold, but now that restrictions have been lifted, and there’s even medication for the virus, what’s the hold up on getting out?

The hardest part is getting out the door for a workout.  The same holds true for making that first step to attend a meet-up.

  1. Be slow to judge. Many times we are distracted by pre-conceived biases about a particular group which blocks the ability to keep an open mind.  Do not judge anything or anyone before you go and see for yourself.  When searching for your tribe, give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  If you realize a certain group is not for you, just don’t go back.  It’s just that simple!  We often can make it hard to overthink what we’ll do if it “doesn’t work out.”

Once you attend and find out this is just the group you were looking for, then it’s a WIN-WIN!

  1. Become and remain confident and positive! We’ve all heard the phrase:  you attract like-minded people or you are what you eat or you are the company you keep.  If you are positive, you will attract positive people, groups, and experiences.  If you are confident, your confidence will help you in breaking the ice in new groups and meet strangers.  One thing to remember, is even the most poised and experienced people still get nervous before making a speech, especially in front of a group of people they do not know.

May you muster up the bravery to find your tribe.  Once found, keep in mind it takes time to build strong, healthy tribes and relationships.

Slow and steady always proves success!

You are worthy of meaningful relationships.  You are interesting enough for those who meet you to want to learn more about you.  You are fun and people want to laugh with you.

Enjoy finding your tribe!

By: Eden Barbee-Mabry / (@gardenonthegram – IG/ @EdenJBe – Twitter)
Eden Barbee-Mabry is an Education Support Analyst with the State of Georgia. Eden is a native of Kalamazoo, Michigan, and was led to relocate to Atlanta, Georgia after graduating from Clark Atlanta University in 1988. Eden joined Black Girls Run! in the Spring of 2016 and graduated from the Walk B4 You Run program in June of 2016 and is currently Run Lead for the Fairburn, Georgia group. Eden is a purse lover and strives to inspire every woman because her belief is that although the circumstances may be different, every woman can extract strength from another woman’s story.